The Year of the Rabbit

As of tomorrow (February 3rd), the Year of the Rabbit begins. This is especially significant for me, given that I am a Rabbit. Aside from the obvious things to do this year (wear your red underwear everyday for good luck if you're a Rabbit), it's also the start of a new cycle in my life, which means I have to come to terms with certain parts of my past.

The past twelve years did not go as I expected them to. I expected to have the same friends all the way through high school, to graduate, go to Oregon State University, and become a veterinarian. That was my plan. Obviously, plans change. But part of starting the new cycle is recognizing failures/disappointments and triumphs and learning from them and creating a new plan.

One of my disappointments, I've already come to terms with and accepted as being better than I thought it would be. That would be going to the University of Arizona for college. It wasn't my first choice. In fact, it was near the bottom of the list, but lots of factors came into play, and in the end, of the three really viable choices, it was the one I chose. Four years later, however, I had plenty of good memories from UA, friends I'll have for life, and a stepping stone for the rest of my life. It's time to let go of the "what if I had gone to so-and-so college instead?" Because I didn't go, and I got a good education anyway.

Another of my disappointments, I'm not sure I've worked it all out yet, and it seems to have affected everything since then, which makes it harder. I lost a friend once, or perhaps not lost... the actual events are blurred in my memory and I'm no longer sure whose fault it really was. I'm sure now that it was both of ours. We both made mistakes and the result was a hurt, depressed teenager who was already anti-social to begin with and who then became even more so. It was hard at the time because I didn't have many friends anyway and I felt she was my best one I did have, so losing her was like having to start over except that instead of losing her, I sort of gained an enemy. It dissipated over time and I only saw her once after high school. But that incident seemed to just fuel a desire to remain anti-social and an excuse for why I had issues with making friends. It's not true, though. I've always been shy and I had troubles making friends before, which was one of the reasons I was so against moving in the first place.

As for that disappointment, I just have to accept that I can't change what happened. We were both immature at the time (age 15, horrible age), and couldn't see past ourselves to fix it. Have I gotten closure? Perhaps not, but maybe I don't need it. I need to stop using it as an excuse. I'm responsible for my actions at this point.

How about a triumph? Something good that's happened in the past twelve years? It's like that interview question where they ask what you think is your biggest accomplishment. Sometimes I say going to college, but that's not true. In fact, it's a blatant lie. I always knew I'd go to college. I always knew I'd get in. I always knew I'd probably have my pick. It wasn't necessarily an accomplishment so much as an expected step to take.

I guess I'd say publishing my novel was a triumph. Six years ago, if you'd have said I would someday write an actual novel and put it out there for people to read and buy, I would have thought you were joking. Six years ago, the only things I wrote were for class, and while I thought (read: thought - this was proven wrong several times) that I was a good writer, I really didn't know anything. I'm not saying I'm amazing right now, but I have my moments. I've still got a lot to learn, though, although now I think what I need to learn isn't something an editor can tell me. It's only something I can learn by living my life.

The point of a new year and a new cycle is to move forward and leave the past where it belongs: behind you.

I may not know where I'm going but I know what I'm leaving behind, and I'm happy to leave it there.

the year in review

The time has come for the review of the year. I usually do this on my livejournal, but since I deleted it, this year, it's going to be here.

Last year at this time, I was sitting in my apartment in China, freezing to death despite wearing a puffy coat, two layers of everything, and gloves. I was simultaneously thanking and cursing the winter for both sending the spiders in my apartment into hibernation and making everything absolutely freezing.

I can't say 2010 was a year of changes because I still don't feel as though much has changed. Perhaps outwardly, there was a lot of change, but inwardly, I feel basically the same as I always have, which annoys me to no end. At some point, you're supposed to change, right?

What did I do in 2010 that I haven't done before?

In 2010, I climbed the Great Wall in the snow in Beijing, saw Terracotta Warriors in Xi'an, ate way too much amazing food for Chinese new year, pet cats in Japan, visited 20 year old prisons in South Korea (literally everything was rebuilt in the 80s), sweated in the middle of February in Hong Kong, ate waffles and fries in Belgium, and had the best night ever in England.

One of my best friends got married to a guy I'd never met. I spent over 18 hours on planes to go to the wedding and spent entirely too much time collecting things for the outfit I wore (hair clip from Japan, dress from China, tights from Japan, shoes from America). I nearly kissed the ground when I finally got to the US. I spent 3 glorious weeks visiting friends and family, including two weeks in LA with my best friend where we spent lots of time watching Harry Potter and even making a Twilight parody for youtube.

My time in China was interesting and people constantly ask me about it and I always have to stop and think before I answer. I'm not the kind of person who can just spout the same answer every time without thinking. Granted, my answer is usually the same, but it takes a minute. China was... an experience, that's for sure. Am I glad I went? Of course. Would I go back? Well.... I don't know. To visit, yes, not necessarily to live. China is a very odd place that a lot of people don't understand at all, and when I read news reports about it or people just giving their opinions, it takes a lot of restraint not to correct them about some of the things they say. Chinese society and culture is so different than ours that simple assumptions are just wrong.

Of course, the most recent change in my life has been France. I applied for the TAPIF program in November of last year and spent the next five months anxiously waiting for the answer. I don't know when I decided I wanted to move to France, because if you'd have told me nine years ago when I first started learning French that I would be living in France, I would have said you were crazy. Then again, I never thought I'd end up majoring in French either, but when it came time to pick a college, the answer was obvious. Even a few years ago, I told my mom that it was crazy to think that I would go abroad alone. I guess I'm eating my words now.

April 6th, 2010 I woke up (being 12-15 hours ahead of the US in China) and went to my computer, convinced that the email from TAPIF would not be there, as I'd been checking incessantly since the first of the month, but lo and behold, I opened it up and there it was, congratulating me on being accepted to the Lille academie. People had been telling me for months I was a shoe-in, but doubt always grows, especially when you take a look at the people who had been rejected who had great qualifications.

France has not been nearly as hard as China, but I think it's comparatively speaking. If I hadn't gone to China, I'm sure I would have found France much harder than I have. China taught me patience and to significantly lower my expectations for time-lines and quality, which in turn makes the French bureaucracy seem breezily efficient. It probably helps that I haven't encountered the same problems as others have with their paperwork.

2010 was also the resurgence of my huge Harry Potter nerd-ness. God. It started in the summer when I watched all the movies and started rereading the series backwards (I got to book 3 before I had to leave for France). Then I found Mark Reads Harry Potter, the blog all about HP from the viewpoint of a first time reader which rekindled the lost flame that you only have once: the first time you read. I also finally watched A Very Potter Musical and Sequel, which just exploded everything. All of a sudden, I was as obsessed with Harry Potter as I was at age 18. This all culminated in the release of Deathly Hallows part 1 movie. I decided to do something crazy; I went to London and I stayed up all night on the street like a homeless person all for the chance to see the HP actors, and of course to bond over our mutual love of Harry Potter with total strangers. It was the best 19 hours of my life.

All in all, this year has been good. There have certainly been some low points, lower than normal too for some reason, but in general, I think I'll look back on this year with a smile.

As for resolutions. Clearly, I failed last years which was to write everyday, more specifically write everyday in a story-type blog. I failed about halfway into January with that one and the blog has since been deleted. I also went nearly 5 months without writing anything, so yeah. Epic fail on my part. I think this year I'll do something simpler. My 2011 resolutions are to 1) learn to make macarons (this requires me moving home first, or to America anyway), and 2) learn to cable knit so I can finally make my perfect Ravenclaw scarf. Unfortunately, I probably won't be able to do that before DH part 2 release. But those are my resolutions. Perfectly reasonable, right? I think so.

So Happy new year to you all reading this. I hope your year has been just as interesting and you've learned something from it. Joyeux nouvel an! Xin nian kuai le - 新年快乐! Next year is the year of the rabbit (my year!) so if you're a rabbit, be sure to wear your red underwear everyday for good luck ;] See you next year!

funny how things change so quickly

I just did this thing on facebook that picked out my top 10 statuses for 2010 and I thought this was the perfect place to post it. You may notice a pattern when looking at it.

Looking back on this list of statuses (which I think are based on the number of 'likes'), the theme is clear: travel. That's what my life has been about these past 12 months. Oh, and if you're wondering about that last status that got cut off, I'm pretty sure it was something about the evil Hummer truck I had to drive upon arriving in the US after 24+ hours of no sleep (and not driving for an entire year). What a fun day that was.

Now that I reread these, especially the ones about the US, I just remember how utterly thrilled I was to be coming home from China. I can still remember the feeling of elation when I stepped off that first plane in LA, the swelling in my chest like a giant balloon of giddiness to be somewhere I belonged. God, it was such a relief. I won't say that I didn't enjoy China, because I did, but coming home was a much needed breath of fresh air. Granted, the reverse culture shock was... surreal to say the least. For a week afterward, I walked around thinking, "Why are there so many foreigners here? Oh wait, no, those are just normal people." It persisted past a week, but the first one was the worst. I walked into a grocery store, walked around the whole thing and walked right back out. I had no idea what to do or how to function in it. It was crazy. I never posted anything about it here, but it totally happened.

I could go on about the reverse culture shock because it's actually quite interesting, at least to me. I remember sitting in the airport in LA waiting for the next plane to Phoenix and realizing that everyone around me spoke English and that if I wanted, I could talk to any of them. I didn't know what to do with myself. It was a weird feeling. I also realized that I couldn't just say what I was thinking without consequence. I'd spent the past 11 months doing it in China and I literally had to stop myself from making off-handed comments about things I saw.

Anyway, the point is that my China experience was about a million times different than my France experience has been, and it's only been three months here so far, but I know that come April, I won't be clawing my eyes out to get back home. I'm not saying China was bad because I learned and did a hell of a lot of things I never thought I would or even dreamt of doing, it's just that it's so much harder than Europe is and you have to be so much stronger to go there. I'm sort of glad I went there first, though. It's made France a breeze, and all those people complaining on the forums ought to shut up and get a clue because it could be a million times worse.

It's Christmas Eve Eve and I should probably go to bed but I haven't been sleeping lately, so I'll stay up a little longer and contemplate how much easier France is. Happy holidays, all.

may all your Christmases be white

What I wouldn't give to be sitting in my parents' living room watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas (animated 1960s version only) with a bowl of homemade chex mix right now. It's not that I'm homesick or missing home particularly, it's just that it's Christmas time and this is the second year I've gone without the comforts of home. I have all my favorite Christmas TV shows downloaded onto my computer (Mickey's Christmas Carol, the Grinch, the Santa Clause, etc) but it's not quite the same. Maybe next year I'll finally be able to start Christmas traditions over again.

On Friday, I headed off to Brugge (aka Bruges/Bruge) in Belgium for the ice sculpture festival. It was cold and they made us change trains? I just followed the other French people who were changing trains and nothing particularly bad or interesting happened.

Brugge is a quaint little town about 2 hours from where I live by train, probably extremely touristy in the spring and summertime. But this is winter so it's appeal was brought down a little by the grey, murky clouds and nipping chill at your fingertips. But it was cute and with a little editing, my pictures look very nice.

The actual Ice Scuplture festival was interesting. The theme was "Around the World" which basically means that the sculpture were all of landmarks, for instance America had the statue of Liberty, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis. France had the Arc de Triumphe, etc. The sculptures themselves were really cool, but I wish it had been a different theme seeing as I've already seen a lot of those in real life - the arc, the great wall of china, xi'an terracotta warriors, Japanese temples, Big Ben, etc.

But! There was an ice slide. The Great Wall of China was made into an ice slide that you could slide down, and of course I had to do it, whether or not I would look like an idiot doing it alone. But hey, such is the life of a lonesome traveler. I've learned to deal with it, and I still don't understand why some people just won't travel alone.

Christmas break is coming up in less than a week and I have absolutely no plans aside from eating too much chocolate. I guess what they say about New Year's is exactly right: where you start, you will end. Last year I spent New Years Eve watching Pride & Prejudice with Jesse and Lucy and trying to figure out Chinese monopoly. I remember eating McDonalds after unsatisfactory "Coffee Bar" food. If you ever go to China, do not eat at "coffee bars." Food is much better in the random, hole-in-the-wall places, cheaper too. Of course, that New Years was made up by the fact that I went to Beijing the next week. Maybe I'll go to Athens in January... There's a flight special! ;] I'm having far too much fun today planning out Christmas videos to show one of my classes. I'm thinking Pluto's Christmas Tree and Animals Singing Deck the Halls. :]

Shanghai Silly

It's the eve of July 4th, the most important holiday in American history, and I will be spending it shopping in Shanghai on Fuyou lu.

This is my second visit to Shanghai in eight months and I don't remember a damn thing from the first time. North becomes south, east becomes west, and I'm constantly lost in a whirl of streets, but that's nothing new if you know me at all. My sense of direction is pretty bad which is why I'm always armed with a map! Because no matter how bad my sense of direction, my map reading skills are top notch.

The guy on the bed across the room is watching a movie that I don't recognize on his computer and the guy on the bed across from mine is playing on his phone. While I sit here writing a random entry into a journal no one reads. Ironic.

Today I went to the French Concession, a section of Shanghai that was once colonized by the French, and therefore, looks nothing like the rest of Shanghai. There are shady back streets, crunchy maple leaves underfoot, strange statues, and shop fronts that look nothing like normal Chinese shops. It's a little European flare in the middle of the richest Chinese city.

The day started out hot and humid, the sun barely breaking the layer of smog, and by two o'clock, the rain was coming down in sheets. It looked like the rain does in movies. I treated myself to Starbucks instead of standing out in it like a loser without an umbrella because every Chinese person and their dog carry around umbrellas no matter what the weather. Consequently, I left both of my umbrellas in Xiangfan, never to see them again.

There was lightening and thunder, the first instance I've seen in ten months here, and Tony was just complaining the other day that the weather was too mild in China. And by mild, I'm sure he means absolutely freezing in the winter and scorching in the summer, but rain without thunder? Too mild.

Tomorrow the plan is to waste away the little money I should be saving on useless things like pearls and jade. And last, but not least - in fact, the entire reason for this last little jaunt in China - is the Shanghai EXPO, which hardly anyone in the world even knows is happening. Every country has a pavilion, inside of which are cool, local-type dealies. I hear tell that Isreal, Italy, ... and I've already forgotten the four or five others I was told, are cool to go to. So I shall venture into the unknown! And try not to get lost too much tomorrow.

Intro

This is probably the exact wrong time to start a travel blog after already being in China for nine months. I've spent those past nine months traveling everywhere from the Pearl Tower in Shanghai to eating scorpions in Beijing, to giant Terracotta Warriors in Xi'an, and huge dams in Yichang. I've pet cats in Tokyo, bet on horses in Hong Kong, and been to prisons in Seoul. The year is coming to an end but I've got a whole other country lined up for the next year: France!

In September I'll be off to France to live for 7-9 months and I hope to travel to all those countries I've never been to. And this time, I'll have a second language I can actually speak under my belt. Mandarin is way too difficult to learn in one year, and I've got eight years of learning French behind me, so I feel a bit more prepared this time.

So I guess we'll see how the next year plays out and hopefully I'll have some good stories to tell!