la vie en rose

I spend too much time on the Assistants Forum and I'll be glad to delete it off my favorites list once France is done. Why? Because half the people on there only complain. "I hate my town. My teachers are mean to me. The weather sucks." Blah blah blah.

Since I booked my plane ticket home the other day, I've been wondering if I'm going home too soon. I know logically it makes sense to go home when I am because I probably can't fiscally afford to stay in Europe much longer, but that doesn't mean I'm not still questioning my decision.

I came to France with this wild idea that I would somehow make much more out of it than I did with China. I told myself I would talk to people, join a group of something, I don't know, take a cooking class. Granted, I've talked to people. My French has improved - I think after the last break, it somehow got a boost. Maybe it was just the time away I needed.

I'm still left wondering, though, if I did everything I could to make my time here memorable and useful. I suppose we always have regrets when things end but the level of the regret varies person to person and thing to thing. When I go back, I still don't know what I'm doing. Someone wrote to me the other day, "What is on your agenda for next year?  Something exciting, I hope." The real answer to that question is that I have no idea, and whatever it is, it probably won't be exciting. 


Those people who complain on the forums, I wonder if they've done everything they can for themselves. I'm not a real go-getter myself, so everything I'm lacking is my own fault. But I wonder how hard they tried or if they're just content to think the past six months have been a waste of their time. Even if you hated it, at least it taught you something. That's how I prefer to look at it, although I've far from hated my time here. A part of me wishes it would go on longer and another part is ready for it to be over. I honestly don't know which side is winning at the moment.