My Magic 8 Ball sits on my shelf, the desolate shelf that I cleared last summer in preparation that I would actually do something when I got back from France. It sits there along with one framed picture of my childhood. The little blue die inside is slightly battered, white where it's hit the circular window over the years, always popping up to answer my question.
When I was younger, I'd ask, "Does so-and-so like me?" I can't say my questions have gotten much better over the years. This morning, I asked, "Will today be a good day?" Yesterday, I asked, "Will there be a lot of baths today?" The day before, I asked, "Will my schedule be changed again today?"
As a Freshman in high school, we had daily announcements by the principal and every day, he'd end with, "You can make it a great day or not... the choice is yours." The choice was mine. I never made that choice.
Nowadays, my Magic 8 Ball makes the choice for me. It tells me yes or no, a good day or not. If it tells me it can't make a decision, I shake it again. The poor, battered die. For years it has answered my questions, and for years, it has been right. Or perhaps it hasn't been. Perhaps it tells me, I believe it, and because I believe it, it's right.
Magic 8 Ball, you will always be right.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
every night is like a revival.
Just the other day, I was lamenting yet again) about my current state of life, but I read blog today about twentysomethings and why we all feel so old. We feel old because we have expectations of where we should be at certain points in our lives, specifically in our twenties, and if we're not there, we feel a failure somehow, we feel old.
When I was younger and had a clear view of my life (I was going to be a veterinarian and own about 50 dogs), twenty-four seemed so very far away. I didn't know anyone who was twenty-four. Now I'm twenty-four and the oldest of all my immediate friends which is strange because as a child, I always got along much better with people older than me. There are times when the age differences are glaring to me, even if it's just a few years, and that makes me feel older than ever.
However, I had a brief shining moment of clarity today. It didn't last long, but I thought I'd share it while I still feel this way. It comes and goes, you see.
I am twenty-four, but in my twenty-four years, I've done things that a lot of people would never dream of: I moved to China with no knowledge of the language or what I was really getting into, I moved to France, I traveled to 13 countries, many by myself, I published a novel and wrote four more. I wrote four screenplays, and as bad as most of them are, who do you know who has?
As a kid, I was generally the odd one out. I had a few close friends but very little beyond that aside from acquaintances since it was a small town and I knew everyone in my grade since kindergarten. I loved animals and spent hours reading books and memorizing facts and generally being a huge nerd. Luckily for me, that wasn't unexpected in my town. The whole place was a little odd, and admittedly, I'm very glad we moved away.
The point is, I've never been normal. I've never had normal jobs or done normal things. The closest I came to normal was in college working at a restaurant, but I was promoted to student manager so it wasn't exactly normal again. Now I work at a dog kennel which I also did for two years in high school. My life isn't normal. Most people never think of doing that job because it's not fast food or retail, and sure, it's not going to get me much anywhere but it's more interesting than saying, "I cook hamburgers for a living."
I've always been okay being not normal which I guess means I have to accept that at twenty-four, whatever life goal I'm supposed to be hitting won't be happening. The youth really is wasted on the young.
When I was younger and had a clear view of my life (I was going to be a veterinarian and own about 50 dogs), twenty-four seemed so very far away. I didn't know anyone who was twenty-four. Now I'm twenty-four and the oldest of all my immediate friends which is strange because as a child, I always got along much better with people older than me. There are times when the age differences are glaring to me, even if it's just a few years, and that makes me feel older than ever.
However, I had a brief shining moment of clarity today. It didn't last long, but I thought I'd share it while I still feel this way. It comes and goes, you see.
I am twenty-four, but in my twenty-four years, I've done things that a lot of people would never dream of: I moved to China with no knowledge of the language or what I was really getting into, I moved to France, I traveled to 13 countries, many by myself, I published a novel and wrote four more. I wrote four screenplays, and as bad as most of them are, who do you know who has?
As a kid, I was generally the odd one out. I had a few close friends but very little beyond that aside from acquaintances since it was a small town and I knew everyone in my grade since kindergarten. I loved animals and spent hours reading books and memorizing facts and generally being a huge nerd. Luckily for me, that wasn't unexpected in my town. The whole place was a little odd, and admittedly, I'm very glad we moved away.
The point is, I've never been normal. I've never had normal jobs or done normal things. The closest I came to normal was in college working at a restaurant, but I was promoted to student manager so it wasn't exactly normal again. Now I work at a dog kennel which I also did for two years in high school. My life isn't normal. Most people never think of doing that job because it's not fast food or retail, and sure, it's not going to get me much anywhere but it's more interesting than saying, "I cook hamburgers for a living."
I've always been okay being not normal which I guess means I have to accept that at twenty-four, whatever life goal I'm supposed to be hitting won't be happening. The youth really is wasted on the young.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
I've been initiated
Got my first (well, second ever but whatever) dog bite yesterday. Currently hurts like hell if anything touches it and there's a lovely swelling bruise around where the lower incisor was. What sucks most is that it's on my forearm, so... quite visible and unfortunately a place that touches things a lot like the computer, my body, anything I lay it on. Hopefully it will go down by the time I have to work again. Boo.
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