chungyeong university

Have I ever told you about the time I was lost in South Korea? No? Well, pull up a chair and grab some popcorn whilst I spin you a tale.

It was about this time one year ago - Spring Festival break had begun in China and I hopped on a plane - no, train - no, a train and then a plane... and then another plane and flew from middle-of-nowhere China to Soeul, South Korea.

i want this second chance

Hey, woah, you! Yeah, you. Over there, the one cautiously avoiding my eyes...

You can now buy my book on Kindle!

Yes, that's right. The book that has been out for two years is now on Kindle, which I hope means something more than I just wasted a weekend. I really do need to get around to editing the rest of my crappy novels. There could be at least one gem hidden amongst the rubble, but it needs a ton of polishing to get it anywhere near good enough to put out for people to actually read.

However, this one is currently decent enough that I don't cringe at the thought of people reading it, so hey, got a kindle? go buy it! Don't have one? You can still buy it on amazon.com. seriously.

Oh, Also, New official authoring website: http://elyceg.wordpress.com

yep :D

such great heights

I really do have a great view out my window in France. Examples:

Let's compare to last year's view, eh?

Yes, those are peanuts. My apartment was the bottom window, further to the left

The first snow of the season in China, looking out onto the neighbors' "garden".

There are so many things to appreciate about France, not least of which is the view.

Eet's clow-dee and cowld.

Biggest pet peeve for French people-learning-english: Putting Hs where they don't belong and taking them away when they're supposed to be there. No wonder the kids can't tell the difference between "ear" and "hair."

I was made fun of, or laughed at anyway, for reading Harry Potter by someone at work. I resent that. Harry Potter is a great book, and I was at least reading it in French, so that should somehow count in my favor?

Les soldes ont commencé. I bought a sweater at 50% off and I have plans to search for a bag once the prices dip even lower. I'm thinking when I go to Lille in a few weeks. I don't remember if I wrote this already, but I'm going to Cologne, Germany in a few weeks, just for the weekend. I have yet to convince anyone to come with me, but c'est pas grave - that's how my life goes. Tant pis.

On a parting note, today, a French person asked my why I bothered learning French. And people say the French are rude and highstrung. Obviously they've never been here.

hobbies are hobbies too

I had a dream last night that I was yelling at my bad class. They weren't listening, as per usual, and I woke myself up in the middle of yelling, "QUIET!" I swear I half said the word before I was awake and thinking, "Did I almost say that out loud?" Considering how little I dream, I'm surprised I had this at all.

You know that feeling you get after you finish something that has taken a long time? Like reading a long book series or writing a long story or finishing a television series? Like something is missing and you don't quite know what to do with yourself? I don't like that feeling. It's sort of depressing in a way. Try watching all three Lord of the Rings movies in a row and you'll understand the feeling. The feeling that things are over and there won't be anymore.

I spent the last week watching Avatar: The Last Airbender, which I will recommend as an amazing show even though it's animated and intended for age 8-10. Granted, it's only three seasons long and it ended about 3 years ago. I did watch a few episodes 5 years ago when I was in college and a friend liked it, but for some reason I just didn't get into it. Probably because I saw a few episodes in the middle. Starting from the beginning is a much better idea.

Basically, I'm in love with Zuko and if he was real, I'd marry him. Of course, the same goes for Sokka, and for Dmitre from Anastasia. The point is, after I finished the series (yesterday - I watched 8 episodes in a row, couldn't stop myself), I was left with that empty feeling again.

My hobbies are not vast or really varied. And a lot of them are combined. I like to knit, but I do it while watching TV shows. I like to cook but I need the right kitchen setup to really feel comfortable doing it. And oven would be helpful too. My interest in animals is pretty much caput at the moment considering I can't have a pet here. I've forgotten half the things I used to know from 4-H. Writing is an interest, but it's something that takes an idea and if you don't feel like writing, you don't feel like writing. I do need to finish my NaNoWriMo, but.... my motivation went *poof* when November ended.

Lately, I've also been in that strange mood where you just want to delete all social network profiles and vanish from the internet, which is, of course, impossible in this day and age. In the past two years, I've deleted 2 livejournals, 2 twitters, insanejournal, dreamwidth, myspace, bebo (did not remember i even had this), buzznet, 1 blog, and I really should delete my tumblr too. I can't delete my facebook and I like my facebook. Living abroad without facebook is really hard as I found out last year when I went 3 months without it in China until I just couldn't take it and got a VPN.

Pointless post is pointless.

And on a parting note, eight year olds are the devil. Next time I'll take down all their names and give them all a punishment.

every mushroom cloud has a silver lining

I know I was just talking about appreciation the other day and how a lot of people in this program don't seem to, but I was just hit with a sudden urge to go home. And not because I don't like it here. It's not that at all. I just miss living in the US.

I'm looking out my window at a beautiful blue sky, and the air is crisp and clean and a little cold, but I'm hit with these memories of summertime in Oregon when everything is green and lush and pretty and warm without being too hot, and I can go to the mall and go shopping (god, I miss shopping - I miss having money to go shopping). I just saw a picture of a friend on facebook and it triggered this weird memory of us going shopping in Portland. It's weird because, of course, I see pictures of her all the time.

For some reason, memories of summer are strongest, probably because that's the only time I'm ever really at home. Since I technically (it's complicated) went to school out-of-state (see, not really. It's just, my parents moved right as I went to college), I never got to go home for weekends or short holidays like Thanksgiving or Labor Day. I only got to be home at Christmas and during the summer. So it's no wonder my memories are strongest of those times.

This is also my second year living abroad and there comes a point where you just want familiarity. You just want to do the things you've always done like go to the mall or walk to the park or just the little things like going to the local grocery store. I know I always said I hated Arizona, and I did, a lot, but even when I go back to Phoenix, I can like it because of the sense of familiarity it has for me. I know the roads. I know what street to take to get me to my old house, to the high school, to the mall. I know what it feels like to drive up Tatum Blvd at sunset in the summertime and how the sun is going to feel once I step out of the air-conditioned interior of my car. I know that, and it's comforting.

When I came back from China, granted, there was a reverse culture shock that took some adjusting, but I also didn't come back to somewhere familiar. The only bit of familiarity I got was a stopover in the Phoenix airport which was like a bit of home even though I haven't lived there in six years.

It's not like I have a lot of time left here anyway. Only four months, which seems too short and too long at the same time. I'm twenty-three. I'm tired of being directionless. I'm tired of being a twenty-something. I don't like this stage in my life all that much, that stage where I feel like I don't know what I'm doing but I also feel like I should know, like other people know. Every time I catch myself thinking about spending another year abroad (like renewing France for next year or moving to Africa), I stop and remind myself of how I feel right now. I don't know if I can take another year of this. Yes, I love traveling, and yes, I love France, but the time has come to settle down or at least try to. It's going to be hard but I want to do it. France was hard but I wanted to do it and I did. This just proves that I can.

I don't know. I've always liked traveling, but I've also always wanted something steady to come back to, which I haven't had in a while. It feels like I've been moving since I was fourteen: Oregon, Phoenix, Virginia, Tucson, Oregon, China, France. I thought by now I'd have figured out what I wanted. It was all so clear when I was thirteen and I was going to be a veterinarian. Life, why so hard? Why can't I just be five years old again? Life was so much simpler then.

I'm sure I'll look back on France with fond memories that will make me want to come back. Even now, I have those memories of China that somehow block out the bad parts of the experience. I'm sure they will come and I'll remember sitting here and staring out my window at the cloudless sky and thinking how pretty it is. I'll remember.

Appreciation

I've never felt so lost. I've never felt so much at home. Please write my folks and throw away my keys.

I've been waiting years for that song lyric to apply to me. I can't say it does yet, and I honestly don't know when it will, but I hope that someday, I'll be able to say it and mean it.

Lately, I've seen a lot of people in the program getting tired (okay, it's mainly the Brits) and I know one person (American) is leaving. He says he's gotten what he wanted out of the program. I suppose if you feel that way. There's a difference between feeling you've done what you came to do and leaving early as opposed to quitting in the middle because it's just too hard.

I never once considered quitting in China, even on those days when I just wanted to punch the next Chinese person I saw, those days where if I heard 'hallow!' yelled at me, I was going to snap, not even on those days. It never occurred to me to just say, "I quit. Send me home." Then again, I had also signed a real contract that said if I quit, I had to pay money to get out of the contract. France somehow has no real contract. I don't feel like there's anything legal keeping us here. If we picked up and left tomorrow, there isn't anything they could do.

But I still don't understand the people who quit.

Have they not gone through what the rest of us did to get here? Do they not want it as much? What were they expecting? To live in a huge city with great public transportation and super friendly French people? It's just not realistic.

I was looking at jobs in the US today because I will have to get one when I get back, but if you think about it, my qualifications for any type of professional job are very slim. I speak French. Woo. That's all. I'm qualified to live in France. On a good day. It's enough to make a girl want to think of Grad School just to have something else to do. I'm not sure I could make it another 2-3 years in school, though.

I guess this entry doesn't have a point really except people who don't want to come here, shouldn't be here. Granted, I don't love teaching and no, I don't want to be a teacher, but that's not why I'm here. I knew that long before I came here. I'm here in some vague hope that France is the culmination of something in my life, as if it was something I was working towards all those years, but essentially it may only be a stepping stone to something else. God only knows what that something else is, although I'd rather like to be let in on it, thanks.

It's 10PM now over here in France and I have to leave for work at 8AM, so I'll leave this here.

To leave you all on a lighter-hearted note, the lol-worthy moment of Tuesdays classes:

New lesson on prepositions (in, on, under, behind, in front of, next to, between). The teacher uses the kids as examples: "Sara is next to John." And Sara moves next to John. Etc. So then the teacher says, "Thomas is inside Nathan. Is it possible?" If you didn't laugh, then you have a cleaner mind than me ;] The teacher said no. My brain said yes.

Goodnight.