"It's wrong no matter why you kill, no matter whom you kill and no matter who does the killing."

I've mentioned it before, but my senior year of college, I took a gen-ed class called "Eastern European Film in a Social Context" in which we watched many films, all dating from 1918 (the Russian revolution) to the mid-nineties (Balkan wars). Lately, as I've been traveling around Eastern Europe, it's made me think of a lot of these movies and today I went on a hunt to find all the titles. I want to share them with you in the hopes that maybe you'll watch a few of them.

Before the Rain – Baltic, Macedonia

No Man's Land – Baltic, Serbia/Bosnia

Ivan's Childhood - Russian

Kolya - Czechoslovakia

Brother - Russian

Burnt By The Sun - Russian

Closely Watched Trains – Czechoslovakia

Daisies – Czechoslovakia

Knife in the Water – Poland

The Mother – Russia

Potemkin – Russian

Tito and Me – Yugoslavia

Children of Glory – Hungarian

4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days – Romania

A Short Film About Killing – Poland

Man of Marble – Poland

Alice - Czechoslovakia

They're all in their native languages with English subtitles if you can find them (my University library has a lot of them so they're out there - even a few are online as I had to watch them there for class).

Which ones do I recommend? You should be aware that several of these could be very triggering in the violence/gore category, and of course, it does help the know the social context before watching. Still, there's no excuse not to watch these. 

Those I don't recommend for the squeamish (but are really excellent films due to this) are "4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days" as it pertains to abortion and there's a rather gruesome shot near the end of a fetus. Also, "A Short Film About Killing" is, as the title indicates, a short film about killing and is rumored to have the longest death scene of any film ever made (7 minutes and you see it all), but it's a great social commentary on death. Note: at one point, the entire class of 200 people gasped in sync it was that ... shocking, I guess I could say.

Aside from those two, I'd recommend "Closely Watched Trains," "Tito and Me," "Brother," and "No Man's Land." Those were some of my favorites. 

As I wandered around Budapest today, I thought to myself (much as I had when I went to Prague), that when I was born, no one even dreamed of going to Hungary. Nobody could. The Soviet Block was still intact and Eastern Europe was closed. Today, I went to the House of Terror, former home to the secret police of Hungary and location of brutal actions (it's now a museum dedicated to this fact including the prisons in the basement where people were kept and tortured, and one very poignant room in which there stands a singular pillar with a noose at the top). Just twenty years ago, Budapest was under this constant threat and in certain places, you can still see the bullet holes from the 1956 Revolt that was quickly quelled by Soviet troops and thousands died. (watch "Children of Glory" if you'd like to know more).

Sometimes I still can't believe how recent our history is and how countries are still waging wars over insignificant differences (watch "No Man's Land" for that one).

I guess I'll just leave this list here and hope someone watches one of those movies. But don't watch "Potemkin" unless you enjoy silent movies. 

closely watched trains

I was nine years old the first time I rode on a train. Granted, it was a mystery, dinner-theater train in which I had way too many Shirley Temples and me and my best friend at the time were bouncing off the walls, but it was my first train.

My first actual train would be nine years later in France. It was a TGV from Paris to Avignon and I remember almost nothing of the ride. Since then, I've taken many trains, mostly in France and China, and I've got to say I much prefer them to busses.

Of course, there have been some not-so-good trains.

Last year, my friend and I decided we absolutely must have Starbucks and pizza, which were only accessible after a four hour train ride to the biggest town in the province. We figured (since we'd been living in China for six months by then) that we were perfectly capable of just popping down to the train station on a Friday night and getting a ticket. You should note that not a single shop-keeper/train station worker/cashier in the entire town spoke a word of English beyond 'hello', pronounced 'hallow!" So we packed up a bag and hopped on the bus and rode downtown.

We got our tickets with our meager Chinese: "women yao chu Wuhan jintian." (we want to go to Wuhan today) From what the woman said (of which we understood none of the words), we got that there were no seats left and we'd be standing. Doesn't sound too bad, right? Only four hours. Not so bad, eh?

Wrong.

It was four hours of stinky, sweaty, cigarette smoke-drenched people stuffed like sardines in a can with the added bonus of the fruit cart ladies pushing their way through the inches of space left to breathe shouting, "Shui guo! pingwa! putao! xiang jiao!" Worst four hours of my life. But the Starbucks at the end was almost enough to make up for it. I have no pictures of this occasion but I honestly don't ever want to relive it.

Today, today was not that bad. The train ride was longer but not the longest I've ever had (which was 20 hours from Shanghai to Xiangfan last year. Don't recommend it. Take the high speed train if you can get it!). The stress of this ride came as we crossed the border from Slovenia to Hungary. Apparently in Eastern Europe, it's common for the train workers to change at each border which consequently means you'll have your ticket checked and stamped multiple times.

The train stopped several times for over twenty minutes at certain stops, and since they stopped announcing the stops after I left Slovenia, this didn't help. Now, when I bought my ticket from Ljubjiana yesterday, I asked the woman, "this is a direct train?" and she said yes. Well, at the second twenty minute stop, instead of continuing forward, we went backwards.

I don't know about you, but going backwards instead of forwards is slightly disconcerting and I began to worry that maybe I was supposed to have changed trains somewhere despite what the woman had said. It's happened to me before - when I went to Bruges on what was supposed to be a direct train, we had to change at some station in Belgium.

Time went by, though, and the train worker didn't come by so I couldn't ask. And just when I'd decided I was just going to let the train take me wherever it wanted, we started going back in another direction. At this point, I gave up. I have this habit of stressing over things I can't control and I just stopped. This train would take me wherever the hell it wanted and I would deal with it when I got there.

Luckily for me, all those switch-backs worked out the way they were supposed to and I arrived in Budapest on time and only mildly worse for the wear. Not the worst train ride I've ever been on but not the best either.

if you say it loud enough, you'll always sound precocious

I have an issue. I like to travel. I like seeing new places and learning new things. I like meeting new people I'll never see again and for one brief period of time sharing something with them. The time period is meant to be brief, though. 

I'm writing this entry not from a cafe or a cool little river-side bench or any of those picturesque locations that just evoke Europe in your mind and make you wish you were there, but I'm writing this entry from inside a hostel as two Spanish-speaking girls pack up their bags and probably prepare to leave tomorrow. I'm sitting on my little bed with its red sheets and dark blue lockers next to it, listening to the song I want playing when I die (or at the end of a particularly tragic movie), and wishing I was back in France.

i want something that i want

I really need to do the post about Dunkerque but honestly, all it would say is, "We went to the beach. It was ridiculously windy, and we spent six hours in a beach-side cafe drinking cocktails."

Yesterday was my last day at work and for the most part, I let kids ask questions. I mean, we did do some work but hey, who cares about work? Besides, questions are way more fun and let me practice my French.

Kid: How are you getting home?
Other Kid: a plane, duh!

Kid: Does America have the same money as us?

Kid: How long does it take to get from Southern California to Washington D.C?
That one I could actually answer seeing as I've driven it at least 6 times in my life. It takes 5 days if you stop at night, 3 days if you never stop.

Kid: How did you learn French?
Me: In school.
Kid: Oh! Like we learn English!

Kid: Where did you live this year?
Other kid: In America?
Teacher: No, of course not. That would be tiring to fly back every day.
Me: And expensive...

Kid: Do you have The Simpsons in America?
Me: ... Yeah, they're American.

Ah. And so my year in France comes to an end, too early for what I would have liked. Today I get to pack my suitcase and prepare for Monday when I leave for Germany. Germany! I'm so excited to finally get there. We're going to Munich so a trip to Dachau concentration camp will be had. I'm excited for that too. WWII is my favorite war to study (I'm a bit of a history nerd in case you hadn't gathered that over the course of this year). After Munich, we're heading to Salzburg (home to the Sound of Music tour and movie location and everything), then Vienna with hopefully sidetrips to Bratislava (in Slovakia) and Budapest (in Hungary). I'm going with two friends and this is where we'll part ways. They go back to France and I'm taking a little trip down to the former Yugoslavia. I'm definitely hitting up Croatia and Slovenia. Hopefully I'll be able to get to the Dalmatian coast in Croatia.

So there we have it. In less than a month I'll be back at home. In fact, I get in late on a Saturday, and you know what? The next day, Sunday, I'll be able to go to the store! And eat at restaurants! And shop! And do everything. All on a Sunday. AHHH. It will be glorious.

this must be how it feels

I don't want to go home.

But I do want to go home. I'm conflicted.

This past week has been pretty much amazing. The weather has been perfect - blue skies, sun, warmth - I've finally reached that point where I can talk to anyone I want and not feel like an idiot. I finally got the CAF figured out (never mind that the social security still hasn't done a thing in 7 months). I'm not ready to go.

By this time last year, I was begging to leave China. I was counting down the days (all 100-something of them). I wanted to get the hell out of there, you have no idea. Of course, I also had France to look forward to at this point.

This year, I don't want to leave France, not when I'm so close. I finally feel really comfortable here, something I never really felt in China. I can go into a restaurant and order anything I want and answer the server's questions. I can apologize when we break two glasses in a span of five minutes (that's another story, one which just drives home how much fun France can be). I can go to the post office and ship packages home and explain things to the clerk. I can finally me débrouiller as well as I've always wanted. Unfortunately, se débrouiller doesn't translate very well into English, meaning, "manage myself." But I can and I do.

Why is it just when you get the hang of things, it's time to go? I'm really wishing I'd renewed for next year. Tant pis, though. There are other ways to get to France and if I still feel this way later on, I'll make it happen. For now, à bientôt, France.

tu vas où?

Yesterday, I told a few classes that next week would be my last week. One class in particular had a lot of questions.

"Where are you going?"
"Are you going to another school?"
"Are you going back to London?"
"You live in America?"
"Isn't that far away?"

It's like they've forgotten everything I told them about where I'm from, and apparently all their geography lessons too.

il faisait beau aujourd'hui

Things the train window told me today: Je suis sale, Douai, 59, and je t'aime. If there'd been a "nettoie-moi" it would have been perfect.

Otherwise, it was a pretty good day anyway. The weather has been absolutely amazing the past couple days, sunny, no clouds, 75 degrees. Kevin keeps telling me it's not normal for this time of year but it seems normal to me. Then again, I'm coming from Arizona where it's sunny 340 days of the year.

I had another complete and un-simplified conversation with a French person - actually two: one with Kevin and one with Sebastien. You'd think after all this time that I'd do that all the time, but I really don't, and they're lovely days when I get to.

Maybe it was such a good day because I know the end is imminent which also makes me a little sad because I've finally gotten everything down and feel comfortable enough to talk to people on my own, and the kids like me, and I know what I'm teaching. And now it's all about to be over.

I've only got two more days of teaching left. Where did all the time go?! Beuf. I'm not ready for it to be over yet.

Side note: I wrote 26 pages for script frenzy yesterday so I'm up to 51 pages total. I'll try to write another 3-10 tonight if I can figure out what's going on in the episode... Then I need to finalize plans for the next month, like hostels and flights and stuff. Ugh. Not looking forward to packing or closing my bank account. What a chore that's going to be.

even at our swiftest speed, we could not break from the concrete

You may remember November (gosh, that seems so long ago now) when I was writing a novel. Well, needless to say, I haven't finished it yet. In fact, I haven't worked on it since December. At around 60k words, it is only 1/3 of the way done. Boo. It's going to take forever. But that was November. This is April! And April means Script Frenzy!

What is Script Frenzy (screnzy, for short), you ask? Well, it's basically NaNoWriMo in script form. You write a 100 page script in 30 days. It doesn't sound too hard, right? This is my fourth year which means that I have three other screenplays gathering dust on my hard drive, only one of which I think is actually worth anything. This year, though, I've decided to try something different: a TV show.

I've got the whole thing basically outlined for four seasons worth of shows. Of course, that's not helpful at all when I haven't even written the pilot episode. The pilot is what I'm currently working on for screnzy, the pilot and episode two since one episode is only around 40-50 pages.

The problem this year is that I only have two weeks as opposed to the normal 4 weeks. Since the France contract is ending on the 16th, I will be moving out of my apartment here and traveling for the last 3 weeks of my stay in Europe. Therefore, my time is limited. I may not win this year *gasp* - that would be a first. It's funny. I can write a 50k word novel in five days but I can't write a 100 page script in 2 weeks? Well, I can. I've done it before, but lately it's been harder. For some reason, writing scripts is like pulling teeth for me. It's just so much harder with all the dialogue and trying to make it snappy and interesting while still remembering that it has to convey a plot and my characters too.

In other news, I went to Amiens the other day and it's quite a pretty town, much to my surprise. I recommend eating at the potato restaurant by the cannal. Delicious.