As of tomorrow (February 3rd), the Year of the Rabbit begins. This is especially significant for me, given that I am a Rabbit. Aside from the obvious things to do this year (wear your red underwear everyday for good luck if you're a Rabbit), it's also the start of a new cycle in my life, which means I have to come to terms with certain parts of my past.
The past twelve years did not go as I expected them to. I expected to have the same friends all the way through high school, to graduate, go to Oregon State University, and become a veterinarian. That was my plan. Obviously, plans change. But part of starting the new cycle is recognizing failures/disappointments and triumphs and learning from them and creating a new plan.
One of my disappointments, I've already come to terms with and accepted as being better than I thought it would be. That would be going to the University of Arizona for college. It wasn't my first choice. In fact, it was near the bottom of the list, but lots of factors came into play, and in the end, of the three really viable choices, it was the one I chose. Four years later, however, I had plenty of good memories from UA, friends I'll have for life, and a stepping stone for the rest of my life. It's time to let go of the "what if I had gone to so-and-so college instead?" Because I didn't go, and I got a good education anyway.
Another of my disappointments, I'm not sure I've worked it all out yet, and it seems to have affected everything since then, which makes it harder. I lost a friend once, or perhaps not lost... the actual events are blurred in my memory and I'm no longer sure whose fault it really was. I'm sure now that it was both of ours. We both made mistakes and the result was a hurt, depressed teenager who was already anti-social to begin with and who then became even more so. It was hard at the time because I didn't have many friends anyway and I felt she was my best one I did have, so losing her was like having to start over except that instead of losing her, I sort of gained an enemy. It dissipated over time and I only saw her once after high school. But that incident seemed to just fuel a desire to remain anti-social and an excuse for why I had issues with making friends. It's not true, though. I've always been shy and I had troubles making friends before, which was one of the reasons I was so against moving in the first place.
As for that disappointment, I just have to accept that I can't change what happened. We were both immature at the time (age 15, horrible age), and couldn't see past ourselves to fix it. Have I gotten closure? Perhaps not, but maybe I don't need it. I need to stop using it as an excuse. I'm responsible for my actions at this point.
How about a triumph? Something good that's happened in the past twelve years? It's like that interview question where they ask what you think is your biggest accomplishment. Sometimes I say going to college, but that's not true. In fact, it's a blatant lie. I always knew I'd go to college. I always knew I'd get in. I always knew I'd probably have my pick. It wasn't necessarily an accomplishment so much as an expected step to take.
I guess I'd say publishing my novel was a triumph. Six years ago, if you'd have said I would someday write an actual novel and put it out there for people to read and buy, I would have thought you were joking. Six years ago, the only things I wrote were for class, and while I thought (read: thought - this was proven wrong several times) that I was a good writer, I really didn't know anything. I'm not saying I'm amazing right now, but I have my moments. I've still got a lot to learn, though, although now I think what I need to learn isn't something an editor can tell me. It's only something I can learn by living my life.
The point of a new year and a new cycle is to move forward and leave the past where it belongs: behind you.
I may not know where I'm going but I know what I'm leaving behind, and I'm happy to leave it there.
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
the year in review
The time has come for the review of the year. I usually do this on my livejournal, but since I deleted it, this year, it's going to be here.
Last year at this time, I was sitting in my apartment in China, freezing to death despite wearing a puffy coat, two layers of everything, and gloves. I was simultaneously thanking and cursing the winter for both sending the spiders in my apartment into hibernation and making everything absolutely freezing.
I can't say 2010 was a year of changes because I still don't feel as though much has changed. Perhaps outwardly, there was a lot of change, but inwardly, I feel basically the same as I always have, which annoys me to no end. At some point, you're supposed to change, right?
What did I do in 2010 that I haven't done before?
In 2010, I climbed the Great Wall in the snow in Beijing, saw Terracotta Warriors in Xi'an, ate way too much amazing food for Chinese new year, pet cats in Japan, visited 20 year old prisons in South Korea (literally everything was rebuilt in the 80s), sweated in the middle of February in Hong Kong, ate waffles and fries in Belgium, and had the best night ever in England.
One of my best friends got married to a guy I'd never met. I spent over 18 hours on planes to go to the wedding and spent entirely too much time collecting things for the outfit I wore (hair clip from Japan, dress from China, tights from Japan, shoes from America). I nearly kissed the ground when I finally got to the US. I spent 3 glorious weeks visiting friends and family, including two weeks in LA with my best friend where we spent lots of time watching Harry Potter and even making a Twilight parody for youtube.
My time in China was interesting and people constantly ask me about it and I always have to stop and think before I answer. I'm not the kind of person who can just spout the same answer every time without thinking. Granted, my answer is usually the same, but it takes a minute. China was... an experience, that's for sure. Am I glad I went? Of course. Would I go back? Well.... I don't know. To visit, yes, not necessarily to live. China is a very odd place that a lot of people don't understand at all, and when I read news reports about it or people just giving their opinions, it takes a lot of restraint not to correct them about some of the things they say. Chinese society and culture is so different than ours that simple assumptions are just wrong.
Of course, the most recent change in my life has been France. I applied for the TAPIF program in November of last year and spent the next five months anxiously waiting for the answer. I don't know when I decided I wanted to move to France, because if you'd have told me nine years ago when I first started learning French that I would be living in France, I would have said you were crazy. Then again, I never thought I'd end up majoring in French either, but when it came time to pick a college, the answer was obvious. Even a few years ago, I told my mom that it was crazy to think that I would go abroad alone. I guess I'm eating my words now.
April 6th, 2010 I woke up (being 12-15 hours ahead of the US in China) and went to my computer, convinced that the email from TAPIF would not be there, as I'd been checking incessantly since the first of the month, but lo and behold, I opened it up and there it was, congratulating me on being accepted to the Lille academie. People had been telling me for months I was a shoe-in, but doubt always grows, especially when you take a look at the people who had been rejected who had great qualifications.
France has not been nearly as hard as China, but I think it's comparatively speaking. If I hadn't gone to China, I'm sure I would have found France much harder than I have. China taught me patience and to significantly lower my expectations for time-lines and quality, which in turn makes the French bureaucracy seem breezily efficient. It probably helps that I haven't encountered the same problems as others have with their paperwork.
2010 was also the resurgence of my huge Harry Potter nerd-ness. God. It started in the summer when I watched all the movies and started rereading the series backwards (I got to book 3 before I had to leave for France). Then I found Mark Reads Harry Potter, the blog all about HP from the viewpoint of a first time reader which rekindled the lost flame that you only have once: the first time you read. I also finally watched A Very Potter Musical and Sequel, which just exploded everything. All of a sudden, I was as obsessed with Harry Potter as I was at age 18. This all culminated in the release of Deathly Hallows part 1 movie. I decided to do something crazy; I went to London and I stayed up all night on the street like a homeless person all for the chance to see the HP actors, and of course to bond over our mutual love of Harry Potter with total strangers. It was the best 19 hours of my life.
All in all, this year has been good. There have certainly been some low points, lower than normal too for some reason, but in general, I think I'll look back on this year with a smile.
As for resolutions. Clearly, I failed last years which was to write everyday, more specifically write everyday in a story-type blog. I failed about halfway into January with that one and the blog has since been deleted. I also went nearly 5 months without writing anything, so yeah. Epic fail on my part. I think this year I'll do something simpler. My 2011 resolutions are to 1) learn to make macarons (this requires me moving home first, or to America anyway), and 2) learn to cable knit so I can finally make my perfect Ravenclaw scarf. Unfortunately, I probably won't be able to do that before DH part 2 release. But those are my resolutions. Perfectly reasonable, right? I think so.
So Happy new year to you all reading this. I hope your year has been just as interesting and you've learned something from it. Joyeux nouvel an! Xin nian kuai le - 新年快乐! Next year is the year of the rabbit (my year!) so if you're a rabbit, be sure to wear your red underwear everyday for good luck ;] See you next year!
Last year at this time, I was sitting in my apartment in China, freezing to death despite wearing a puffy coat, two layers of everything, and gloves. I was simultaneously thanking and cursing the winter for both sending the spiders in my apartment into hibernation and making everything absolutely freezing.
I can't say 2010 was a year of changes because I still don't feel as though much has changed. Perhaps outwardly, there was a lot of change, but inwardly, I feel basically the same as I always have, which annoys me to no end. At some point, you're supposed to change, right?
What did I do in 2010 that I haven't done before?
In 2010, I climbed the Great Wall in the snow in Beijing, saw Terracotta Warriors in Xi'an, ate way too much amazing food for Chinese new year, pet cats in Japan, visited 20 year old prisons in South Korea (literally everything was rebuilt in the 80s), sweated in the middle of February in Hong Kong, ate waffles and fries in Belgium, and had the best night ever in England.
One of my best friends got married to a guy I'd never met. I spent over 18 hours on planes to go to the wedding and spent entirely too much time collecting things for the outfit I wore (hair clip from Japan, dress from China, tights from Japan, shoes from America). I nearly kissed the ground when I finally got to the US. I spent 3 glorious weeks visiting friends and family, including two weeks in LA with my best friend where we spent lots of time watching Harry Potter and even making a Twilight parody for youtube.
My time in China was interesting and people constantly ask me about it and I always have to stop and think before I answer. I'm not the kind of person who can just spout the same answer every time without thinking. Granted, my answer is usually the same, but it takes a minute. China was... an experience, that's for sure. Am I glad I went? Of course. Would I go back? Well.... I don't know. To visit, yes, not necessarily to live. China is a very odd place that a lot of people don't understand at all, and when I read news reports about it or people just giving their opinions, it takes a lot of restraint not to correct them about some of the things they say. Chinese society and culture is so different than ours that simple assumptions are just wrong.
Of course, the most recent change in my life has been France. I applied for the TAPIF program in November of last year and spent the next five months anxiously waiting for the answer. I don't know when I decided I wanted to move to France, because if you'd have told me nine years ago when I first started learning French that I would be living in France, I would have said you were crazy. Then again, I never thought I'd end up majoring in French either, but when it came time to pick a college, the answer was obvious. Even a few years ago, I told my mom that it was crazy to think that I would go abroad alone. I guess I'm eating my words now.
April 6th, 2010 I woke up (being 12-15 hours ahead of the US in China) and went to my computer, convinced that the email from TAPIF would not be there, as I'd been checking incessantly since the first of the month, but lo and behold, I opened it up and there it was, congratulating me on being accepted to the Lille academie. People had been telling me for months I was a shoe-in, but doubt always grows, especially when you take a look at the people who had been rejected who had great qualifications.
France has not been nearly as hard as China, but I think it's comparatively speaking. If I hadn't gone to China, I'm sure I would have found France much harder than I have. China taught me patience and to significantly lower my expectations for time-lines and quality, which in turn makes the French bureaucracy seem breezily efficient. It probably helps that I haven't encountered the same problems as others have with their paperwork.
2010 was also the resurgence of my huge Harry Potter nerd-ness. God. It started in the summer when I watched all the movies and started rereading the series backwards (I got to book 3 before I had to leave for France). Then I found Mark Reads Harry Potter, the blog all about HP from the viewpoint of a first time reader which rekindled the lost flame that you only have once: the first time you read. I also finally watched A Very Potter Musical and Sequel, which just exploded everything. All of a sudden, I was as obsessed with Harry Potter as I was at age 18. This all culminated in the release of Deathly Hallows part 1 movie. I decided to do something crazy; I went to London and I stayed up all night on the street like a homeless person all for the chance to see the HP actors, and of course to bond over our mutual love of Harry Potter with total strangers. It was the best 19 hours of my life.
All in all, this year has been good. There have certainly been some low points, lower than normal too for some reason, but in general, I think I'll look back on this year with a smile.
As for resolutions. Clearly, I failed last years which was to write everyday, more specifically write everyday in a story-type blog. I failed about halfway into January with that one and the blog has since been deleted. I also went nearly 5 months without writing anything, so yeah. Epic fail on my part. I think this year I'll do something simpler. My 2011 resolutions are to 1) learn to make macarons (this requires me moving home first, or to America anyway), and 2) learn to cable knit so I can finally make my perfect Ravenclaw scarf. Unfortunately, I probably won't be able to do that before DH part 2 release. But those are my resolutions. Perfectly reasonable, right? I think so.
So Happy new year to you all reading this. I hope your year has been just as interesting and you've learned something from it. Joyeux nouvel an! Xin nian kuai le - 新年快乐! Next year is the year of the rabbit (my year!) so if you're a rabbit, be sure to wear your red underwear everyday for good luck ;] See you next year!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
would you care for a delicious Red Vine?
I'm sitting here, four days into Christmas break while the snow slowly melts outside my window, plopping sheets of ice from the roof onto my sill, and all I can think of is how utterly amazing doritos are. Yes, doritos, the chips. I've been messing around making a mashup video of A Very Potter Musical and it's made me desperately want doritos, so today at the store, I happened upon nacho cheese doritos (the best kind) and had to buy them.
They are amazing.
I didn't realize I was missing American food that much. I remember the first time I got American food in China, and that was only after two weeks of being there. It was like a breath of fresh air, a reminder that there was something other than rice and noodles in the world (not that I don't love Chinese food, because I do. I ate it for 10 months straight if that says anything and I still love it).
I've found that I do quite like French food, though. Before I came I was pretty ambivalent. I think I was under the impression that it was funny sauces and tiny portions like the French restaurants in America, but it's really quite good. Granted, I spend most of my time eating bread and cheese, but who says that's not French either? At the cantine for school, they make great meals and most of the time I have no idea what I'm eating, but I refuse to ask because God knows what it might turn out to be. It tastes good and that's what matters. The other day I had a coquille Saint Jacques that was delicious.
France has been under a deluge of snow lately which has consequently messed up all the trains and planes. Luckily (funny how it turns out to be lucky after all), I have no plans so nothing was ruined. Instead, I stuck around Arras with another assistant and we hit up the spectacle in the Place des Heros, which was a light show and fireworks show behind the belfry. "Regardez vos pieds. Oui, c'est moi! La place des Heros!" - It was a little odd, and I felt like I was back at Disneyland for Christmas, and it didn't help that half the soundtrack music was from Disney movies.
I have no big plans for the holidays. I'll be spending Christmas with Carole and her family, hopefully for a semi-traditional French Christmas. I do like to experience the "traditional" holidays of a country with real families. It makes the experience so much more interesting. Last year I spent Chinese New Year with a Chinese family, so I have to say I definitely know what happens (hint: they eat and watch TV, A LOT).
On another note, I finally got my act together and planned a real vacation. In February, I will be heading off to Prague and Rome for about a week, and maybe I might go to Amsterdam too if it fits in the budget. I got all the flights (3 of them) for about 170 euros, and if I were to go to Amsterdam, it would be an extra 70. A part of me says I should just go, but the other part asks why I even want to go to Amsterdam. Because everyone says I should? That's not really a good reason. I could save my money for somewhere I really want to go like Edinburgh or Germany.
Well, that's a problem for another day. I'm just going to enjoy two weeks of no commitments and all the chocolate I want.
and if you're interested, the video I was working on:
They are amazing.
I didn't realize I was missing American food that much. I remember the first time I got American food in China, and that was only after two weeks of being there. It was like a breath of fresh air, a reminder that there was something other than rice and noodles in the world (not that I don't love Chinese food, because I do. I ate it for 10 months straight if that says anything and I still love it).
I've found that I do quite like French food, though. Before I came I was pretty ambivalent. I think I was under the impression that it was funny sauces and tiny portions like the French restaurants in America, but it's really quite good. Granted, I spend most of my time eating bread and cheese, but who says that's not French either? At the cantine for school, they make great meals and most of the time I have no idea what I'm eating, but I refuse to ask because God knows what it might turn out to be. It tastes good and that's what matters. The other day I had a coquille Saint Jacques that was delicious.
France has been under a deluge of snow lately which has consequently messed up all the trains and planes. Luckily (funny how it turns out to be lucky after all), I have no plans so nothing was ruined. Instead, I stuck around Arras with another assistant and we hit up the spectacle in the Place des Heros, which was a light show and fireworks show behind the belfry. "Regardez vos pieds. Oui, c'est moi! La place des Heros!" - It was a little odd, and I felt like I was back at Disneyland for Christmas, and it didn't help that half the soundtrack music was from Disney movies.
I have no big plans for the holidays. I'll be spending Christmas with Carole and her family, hopefully for a semi-traditional French Christmas. I do like to experience the "traditional" holidays of a country with real families. It makes the experience so much more interesting. Last year I spent Chinese New Year with a Chinese family, so I have to say I definitely know what happens (hint: they eat and watch TV, A LOT).
On another note, I finally got my act together and planned a real vacation. In February, I will be heading off to Prague and Rome for about a week, and maybe I might go to Amsterdam too if it fits in the budget. I got all the flights (3 of them) for about 170 euros, and if I were to go to Amsterdam, it would be an extra 70. A part of me says I should just go, but the other part asks why I even want to go to Amsterdam. Because everyone says I should? That's not really a good reason. I could save my money for somewhere I really want to go like Edinburgh or Germany.
Well, that's a problem for another day. I'm just going to enjoy two weeks of no commitments and all the chocolate I want.
and if you're interested, the video I was working on:
Monday, December 13, 2010
may all your Christmases be white
What I wouldn't give to be sitting in my parents' living room watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas (animated 1960s version only) with a bowl of homemade chex mix right now. It's not that I'm homesick or missing home particularly, it's just that it's Christmas time and this is the second year I've gone without the comforts of home. I have all my favorite Christmas TV shows downloaded onto my computer (Mickey's Christmas Carol, the Grinch, the Santa Clause, etc) but it's not quite the same. Maybe next year I'll finally be able to start Christmas traditions over again.
On Friday, I headed off to Brugge (aka Bruges/Bruge) in Belgium for the ice sculpture festival. It was cold and they made us change trains? I just followed the other French people who were changing trains and nothing particularly bad or interesting happened.
Brugge is a quaint little town about 2 hours from where I live by train, probably extremely touristy in the spring and summertime. But this is winter so it's appeal was brought down a little by the grey, murky clouds and nipping chill at your fingertips. But it was cute and with a little editing, my pictures look very nice.
The actual Ice Scuplture festival was interesting. The theme was "Around the World" which basically means that the sculpture were all of landmarks, for instance America had the statue of Liberty, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis. France had the Arc de Triumphe, etc. The sculptures themselves were really cool, but I wish it had been a different theme seeing as I've already seen a lot of those in real life - the arc, the great wall of china, xi'an terracotta warriors, Japanese temples, Big Ben, etc.
But! There was an ice slide. The Great Wall of China was made into an ice slide that you could slide down, and of course I had to do it, whether or not I would look like an idiot doing it alone. But hey, such is the life of a lonesome traveler. I've learned to deal with it, and I still don't understand why some people just won't travel alone.
Christmas break is coming up in less than a week and I have absolutely no plans aside from eating too much chocolate. I guess what they say about New Year's is exactly right: where you start, you will end. Last year I spent New Years Eve watching Pride & Prejudice with Jesse and Lucy and trying to figure out Chinese monopoly. I remember eating McDonalds after unsatisfactory "Coffee Bar" food. If you ever go to China, do not eat at "coffee bars." Food is much better in the random, hole-in-the-wall places, cheaper too. Of course, that New Years was made up by the fact that I went to Beijing the next week. Maybe I'll go to Athens in January... There's a flight special! ;] I'm having far too much fun today planning out Christmas videos to show one of my classes. I'm thinking Pluto's Christmas Tree and Animals Singing Deck the Halls. :]
On Friday, I headed off to Brugge (aka Bruges/Bruge) in Belgium for the ice sculpture festival. It was cold and they made us change trains? I just followed the other French people who were changing trains and nothing particularly bad or interesting happened.
Brugge is a quaint little town about 2 hours from where I live by train, probably extremely touristy in the spring and summertime. But this is winter so it's appeal was brought down a little by the grey, murky clouds and nipping chill at your fingertips. But it was cute and with a little editing, my pictures look very nice.
The actual Ice Scuplture festival was interesting. The theme was "Around the World" which basically means that the sculpture were all of landmarks, for instance America had the statue of Liberty, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis. France had the Arc de Triumphe, etc. The sculptures themselves were really cool, but I wish it had been a different theme seeing as I've already seen a lot of those in real life - the arc, the great wall of china, xi'an terracotta warriors, Japanese temples, Big Ben, etc.
But! There was an ice slide. The Great Wall of China was made into an ice slide that you could slide down, and of course I had to do it, whether or not I would look like an idiot doing it alone. But hey, such is the life of a lonesome traveler. I've learned to deal with it, and I still don't understand why some people just won't travel alone.
Christmas break is coming up in less than a week and I have absolutely no plans aside from eating too much chocolate. I guess what they say about New Year's is exactly right: where you start, you will end. Last year I spent New Years Eve watching Pride & Prejudice with Jesse and Lucy and trying to figure out Chinese monopoly. I remember eating McDonalds after unsatisfactory "Coffee Bar" food. If you ever go to China, do not eat at "coffee bars." Food is much better in the random, hole-in-the-wall places, cheaper too. Of course, that New Years was made up by the fact that I went to Beijing the next week. Maybe I'll go to Athens in January... There's a flight special! ;] I'm having far too much fun today planning out Christmas videos to show one of my classes. I'm thinking Pluto's Christmas Tree and Animals Singing Deck the Halls. :]
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